Words to Consider

Monday, June 21st, 2010 in: News, Travel

“We need to have a talk.”

I wasn’t sure what was on my grandpa’s mind when he told me that early one morning. We had split the trip to Zhang Jia Jie into two days, staying in Laifeng for a night. We woke up a little early for breakfast, and I had just finished a bit of stretching.

“I’m worried about what you’re doing here. This whole travel thing. It’s one thing to go to Beijing to study Chinese, but then what? Traveling for 9+ months isn’t going to look good on your resume. You seem to think that everyone will just wait for you, but they won’t. The world will keep turning, and when you come back to the real world, you’ll be up against your peers who have been working this whole time, and fresh college grads, hungry for work and willing to do anything for a prospective employer. I’ve said this before: it’s much easier to leave a job than it is to get one.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, carefully weighing his words, rolling them in my hands, nodding solemnly. I’ve had a hard time taking criticism in the past, and I know he could be a lot harsher if he wanted to be, so I see this as an opportunity to really pay attention. It seems that people don’t listen to each other anymore, they’re spending most of the time the other person is talking trying to come up with a reply. I wait until he’s finished before I begin to consider my response. A minute or so passes. Finally I speak.

“I see your point, and this has occurred to me as well to some degree. This is why I have certain goals for each place I visit, although not all of them (like practicing meditation and yoga) are necessarily career-oriented. Your words haven’t fallen on deaf ears, but give me a while to think about how to do something about it.”

“OK, I’m just concerned for you and I don’t want to see you get left behind. Let’s get some breakfast.”

The rest of the day I was a bit pensive, still rolling those words around, trying to see how I could take his advice without sacrificing too many of my goals for this time abroad. I asked Jim what he thought, and he replied with a parable:

“I just bought a brand new sports car; man that thing is fun to drive, it has pickup that would bury your skull into the headrest. Now, I could come up with just about any rationalization for why I bought that car, but in the end I bought it just because I wanted to. It’s OK to be a little selfish sometimes, just don’t bullshit yourself about it.”

I realized that I am indeed being selfish with my plans, even if I am doing this to try to be a better person, I’m on this journey because I want to be. I’m not locked into anything, this journey is an extension of my will. I stop rolling the words around, and make up my mind. I’m going back to Japan to work some more when I’m done in Beijing.

Grandpa’s advice is solid and his concern is genuine. I’m also going to shift my plans to accommodate this return to base; I loved my time in Japan working with Hiro and the guys, and after a few months of earning my keep, I’ll pick the trail back up where I left it off. I still have unfinished business on this continent.

It’s OK to be a little selfish sometimes, just don’t bullshit yourself about it.

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